What Is A Gay Dark Room – And How To Enjoy Them Safely!

Gay culture has many exciting features, including the infamous gay dark room – a place steeped in myths, half-truths and history. A place that holds a special place in the hearts of many a gay men, but is so often misunderstood by those in our community (and the outside world). So, let us out for you exactly what a gay dark room is…

A dark room or black room is a room where consenting gay men go to have discreet mind-blowing sex. Dark rooms are exciting places found only in gay bars, saunas, and clubs, most frequently in Europe (but by no means exclusively). They are great cruising spot that provides partygoers with refreshing wild, and often uninhibited sex. Gay dark rooms are as tempestuous as they come; group sex, orgies, gangbangs, and all manner of gay kinks are often on the menu.

Typically, one would expect a dark room to be pitch black or dim light. Most times, they are dimly lit, so you can barely make out the frame of a person’s body. But dark rooms sometimes are lit up with red or blue light – and those who send nudes can attest to the fact the right lighting can just make everything that much hotter. They also vary in size; a dark room can be enormous, a place where you can get lost for hours, while some would be better compared with a small closet.

Before you visit a gay dark room, you need to understand that fun is guaranteed but having fun comes with a price. That price is understanding the etiquette of dark rooms and knowing essential tips….

How Can I Enjoy A Gay Dark Room?

You will surely get it in a dark room if it is fun. However, gay society is very open and liberal to sex in a way that there are widely recognized unspoken rules and languages. The dark room is filled with sex-hungry humans, so if you are going to enjoy yourself, there are things you must know.

Pick the right clothing. Why should you wear a three-piece suit to a dark room? The goal is to fuck until you can’t anymore, so you should choose a comfy outfit. Jockstraps are ideal, and many circuit party outfits or gay party ensembles are designed for easy access. The dark room is not a place to show off your fashion sense, so you might want to leave designer shoes and dinner jackets at home. It is vital to pick your outfit according to the venue and theme of the party. You can go for a slutty fetish costume or fetish underwear if the theme is a fetish. But shorts, T-shirts, tank tops and trainers are always a safe bet. You can never feel out of place in them. You won’t spend much time in them because the plan is to fuck all night long!

Wear a pleasant fragrance. It is not a myth that your smell speaks for you. Wear a nice cologne or perfume before going to a dark room. Fragrance is lovely because it can set a mood or even create memories. However, it is true that the dark room is not the best place to find a perfume enthusiast. So emptying half a bottle of designer perfume or mixing different scents would only nauseate people. It is better to wear a mild fragrance or a subtle eau de toilette. The last thing you want is for the guy shagging his partner in the cubicle next to you to find it challenging to sniff his desired partner’s pits because of your fragrance. In fact, many gay cruise clubs ban fragrances because it is not ‘masculine’ enough – so it can pay to check in advance. Personally, we love the smell of unisex perfume…

Allow your eyes to adjust. As its name implies, gay dark rooms are not bright. Do not be surprised when you cannot see anything when you just stepped in. Most dark rooms have dim red lights, enough for you to see the people inside and the things going on. But it is possible to walk into a room where you will not be able to see your hands in front of your face. In situations like this, it is better to find a corner and allow her eyes to get used to the environment. Within minutes, you will have a better view. 

Behavior and attitude. Having the right attitude is the quickest ticket you can bet on to get laid. If you are shy, you can go with a close friend to boost your morale. However, much like a gay bath house, a gay dark room is not a bar where your friend can take selfies or create Instagram reels. I can assure you that no one will approach you with that attitude. And also, you do not necessarily have to give off the untouchable macho-man vibe. You will surely go home the same way you came. Just be yourself, be respectful, be careful, and have a lot of fun.

Wristbands and hanky codes. It is crucial to know this as a dark room is not where you can start asking around if a dude is a bottom or top. There are clues you can look for to know the sexual preference of the person. Number one on the list is wristbands. Wristbands are used to differentiate tops, bottoms, and vers. In a dark room, a large percentage of the men wear wristbands which are very helpful. This is the deal with wristbands; if he wears it on his left hand, he is a top. If it’s on his right arm, he is a bottom. And if he wears them on both arms, he is versatile. Most times, wristbands are not leather. They are made out of sports fabric. If you see a guy who wears a leather band on his torso or one of his biceps, it could be a sign that he is “more top” or “more bottom.” Hardcore guys always practice this style. When a dude identifies as a bottom, it does not make sense to constitute a nuisance by trying to suck his dick. If you cannot fuck his ass, then leave him alone.

Another vital thing to consider is color. Do not ignore the color on wristbands, bicep straps, chaps, and other fetish gear. If his wristband has a color on it, it has a meaning. The gay community used colors to find partners discreetly. It is laughable (not to mention awkward) for a gay man to go about a public park, whispering to each man if he would like to shove his fist up his asshole after all

These are the primary colors to look out for. 

1. Yellow: watersports          
2.  Grey- bondage
3. Dark green- daddy/boy play
4. Red- fisting
5. Dark blue- anal sex
6. Light blue- oral sex

Eye contact. Learn how to put those eyes to use. In dark rooms, words are almost an abomination. The only language allowed is eye and body contact. The fact that everyone in the dark room is there for sex does not mean you can grab anyone you fancy from behind. You are risking a punch in the face if you behave like that. What you need to do is to make eye contact with your desired individual. You can smile and lick your lips. Just something that will make the person know you are interested in him. If he smiles back, then you can approach him. It is vital to make eye contact before putting your hands on anyone’s body. You can stroke his biceps or arms slowly. The way he responds will make you know if he is into you or not. If his body language is not friendly, please leave him immediately. You will always find someone else.

Privacy. Dark rooms have open spaces where people who love putting up a show stay and have fun. However, there are cubicles or private corners where people go to fuck if they want peace and quietness. Now, for the love of God, if partners go there, do not follow them. They will not be in a cubicle If they like being watched in the first place. And it is super annoying and disgusting to have someone rubbing you or ogling at you when you want a good fuck. Please, leave people to fuck in peace, except if they invite you to watch. If you enjoy watching people fuck, there will be exhibitionists who would be more than willing to give you a show.

Clean up. The fact that the dark room is a sex venue does not mean it has to be gross. Do not be a pig; clean up after yourself. After having a wonderful time, it is only fair that you leave the place clean for others. No one wants to kneel or sit on a load of cum. Dark rooms provide a bin and paper rolls. Please, make sure of them after sex. And if you used condoms, throw them inside the bins. You do not have to leave the place messier than you left it.

How Can I Stay Safe While Exploring Gay Dark Rooms?

Dark rooms are fantastic but can also be very dangerous. The use of hard drugs and illegal substances is paramount in dark rooms. If you are going to survive a dark room, you should read the following tips.

• Go with a drawstring bag. Drawstring bags are perfect for venues like this because they are easy to carry. You can keep your things safe if the venue does not provide lockers or safes. You can easily carry your clothes, condoms, or lubes around, or you can stash your bag somewhere safe. I hide mine under tables. 
• Stay under the light. Before you get into character, it helps to stay in a bright area. Most dark rooms have well-lit areas. You can stay there until you have a good bearing of things. Then you can join the party.
• Be respectful. Do not go about being toxic. If someone you do not fancy makes advances at you, refuse him politely. You are less likely to leave the party with a swollen eye if you have the right attitude.
• It is essential to understand that a degree of consent is waived in dark rooms. Once you walk into a dark room where people are fucking, you have already accepted to participate in some sense. It does not mean you cannot reject advances but being touched or groped is inevitable. In dark rooms, a man could grab your butt or crotch, but you can remove his hand from your body gently in a way that shows you are not interested. Some people may sadly be pushy even after you have said no, and in these cases, you should absolutely feel empowered to call for help. Consent is always required, no matter the location, and we have found people in dark rooms understand this more than others and are always ready to look out for one another.
• Take a break. You might just step out for air and realize it’s already dawn. Dark rooms are dark and intense, so you won’t really know time is far spent. It helps to take breaks. Moreover, dark rooms are always stuffy and crowded, so it is good to step out to drink water and recharge.

• Hydrate. Drink water! It is important to drink water because most guys love going to the dark rooms drunk. It gives them the confidence to do things they would not do ordinarily. Drink water if you are not sober. You do not want to do something you would regret in the morning.
• Use protection. I know things can get pretty heated in dark rooms, but it is better to take a pause to wear your condom than have a body full of STIs. Dark rooms are not the place where men discuss PreP, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to use protection. If you have not already, read our safe sex tips.
• Be careful with drugs. Some dark rooms have a no-drugs policy, but it is not good to assume. If you are not sure about the policy, do not drink or eat anything. They could be laced with drugs. Some people have OD at sex parties. It is better to avoid drugs if you know you cannot handle them.
• Be careful of pickpockets. It is normal for you to bring your wallet and phone to venues like this. However, some people come just to steal. To avoid being a victim, you should know these few tips.

1. Do not trust anyone. The guy next to you might seem nice but do not put your phone or valuables in his care. You cannot trust anybody in a dark room; the fact that a guy is sucking you off does not mean that he won’t steal from you.
2. Be in control. You can take alcohol but do not get drunk. If you feel you have lost control, go home.
3. Place your wallet inside your underwear. If it happens that your trousers or shorts are a bunch around your ankles, your wallet will be safe with you. 
4. You can open your wallet and place your phone inside, and put it inside your front pocket. This is why it will be bulky, and you will easily know when someone is trying to steal from you.