It’s been slightly over ten years since Katy Perry declared she kissed a girl and liked it. The moment she made her announcement, the news spread like wildfire all over social media. In the decade since it seems we have made tremendous strides in accepting LGBTQ individuals and the community as a whole – especially in mainstream pop culture.
However, there are still a few cobwebs that need to be cleared when it comes to issues on bisexuality. People still judge bisexuality. And, some have chosen to think that it’s a phase people go through. The worst of all crazy notions about bisexuality is that it’s an excuse for those who would like to be promiscuous and sex-crazed.
Gurlllll. Come on. It’s the 2020s. Time to leave that cave and join us in the modern world and our colorful queer spectrum of sexuality.
One thing most people don’t realize, though, is that a significant number of bisexuals are in long-term relationships, and most of these, like most other relationships, are monogamous. Not that we have anything for (or against polyamory). Just that when you’re dating a bisexual woman, it’s essential that you don’t let the labels get to you.
In this article, we discuss some of the things you should know about dating a bisexual woman and so much more. It is ok to have questions, that is natural. What is not OK to force her to have to educate you.
That’s why you are here, and on behalf of bi women, everyone, we thank you for taking these first steps!
What You Need To Know Before Dating A Bisexual Woman!
In this article we will cover...
- If She Says She’s Bisexual, You Better Believe It
- She’s Not Going Through a Phase
- She May Experience Identity Erasure
- Just Because She’s Bisexual Doesn’t Mean She’ll Cheat On You
- A Relationship With One Gender Doesn’t Mean She Isn’t Attracted To Another
- She’s Not ‘Greedy’
- She Might Not Be Comfortable (Or She’s Scared) About Telling You She’s Bisexual
- She Doesn’t Automatically Want To Have A Threesome
- She Has The Ability To Commit To A Same-Sex Relationship
- Not All Women Are Bisexual
- Bisexual Women Do Not Have a Percentage of How Straight or Gay They Are
- It May Feel Overwhelming To You
- It Would Be Great If You Made Effort to Affirm And Understand Her Gender
- She Can Be Attracted To Non-Binary, Gender Fluid, Or Trans Individuals
- She Might Feel Stuck Between The LGBT And Straight Community
- She May Not Be More ‘Into’ One Gender Than The Other
- You Cannot ‘Turn Her’
- Be a Great Ally
- Don’t Turn Her Bisexuality Into a Fetish
- Don’t Dwell On Her Past Dating Life
- Her Bisexuality Is Not Due to Sexual Abuse
- Final Words On Dating A Bi Women
If She Says She’s Bisexual, You Better Believe It
If you would never think about asking a straight woman whether she was ‘serious’ about being straight, why would you ask a bisexual woman if she was bisexual?
If she says she’s bisexual the first time, believe it to be true.
She’s Not Going Through a Phase
If you’re a man dating a bisexual woman, you should know that she wasn’t and isn’t going through a phase or facing certain ‘confusion.’ Even if she’s with you to the end of her days, she is still bisexual.
Even if she never looks at another woman throughout the entirety of your relationship with you, she can still identify as bisexual.
Her sexual orientation is hers – and hers alone – to define, and bisexual women should be accepted as they live in their truth. We stan for bisexual pride y’all!
She May Experience Identity Erasure
Here’s something that’ll give you a little insight into what bisexual women go through:
If a bisexual woman dates a straight guy, people will assume that she’s straight too. On the other hand, if she’s with a lesbian, they’ll think she’s a lesbian. While a bisexual woman may enjoy both experiences, somewhere along the line, she may experience bi-erasure.
This means that society overlooks the fact that she’s bisexual and prefers instead to see her as gay or straight. In the end, the bisexual woman isn’t ‘seen’ for who she truly is. When dating a bisexual woman, you can help her stay in touch with her true identity by encouraging her to connect with the bi community.
You can also try not to make the mistake of thinking she’s gay or straight because of your orientation.
Just Because She’s Bisexual Doesn’t Mean She’ll Cheat On You
Just because one is attracted to both men and women doesn’t mean that she’s a cheater. Claiming she’ll cheat on you just because she’s bisexual is like saying all white people can’t eat spicy food. It’s a blanket statement that has no truth in it.
There are many monogamous bisexual people. It would be best if you also kept in mind that bisexuality doesn’t mean she’s attracted to everyone she meets. In reality, she may be as picky as you and me.
A Relationship With One Gender Doesn’t Mean She Isn’t Attracted To Another
A bisexual woman who marries a lesbian is still bisexual. She’s also still bisexual if she gets married to a man. Ending up with one gender doesn’t mean that she finally chose which side she was on.
It only means that she’s finally with someone she loves.
She’s Not ‘Greedy’
It’s really not fair that people assume bisexual people are greedy. Just because you can have anyone you want doesn’t mean that you want everyone.
Think about it.
She Might Not Be Comfortable (Or She’s Scared) About Telling You She’s Bisexual
Remember when we said that people make too many assumptions about bisexual people? What if she told you she was bisexual and then all you did was make one of the assumptions on this list?
The fear of a potential partner making the wrong assumptions about her will make her think you hate her, or that she has to explain herself, or that you may start acting weird with her.
Unfortunately, many bisexual women have experienced such situations with their partners, and they might be worried that you’re just like them.
She Doesn’t Automatically Want To Have A Threesome
It’s the guys mostly that make this assumption. If she asks for a threesome, it’s because she likes them, not because she’s bisexual.
Assuming she’ll automatically be into a threesome because she’s attracted to multiple genders will make you sound dumb. Try to be smart.
She Has The Ability To Commit To A Same-Sex Relationship
We mentioned before that there’s a misconception that bisexuals are naturally cheaters. Take, for example, a situation where a bisexual woman leaves a lesbian for a man.
She didn’t leave because of your gender or sexual orientation; she left because she found someone else- a person.
It’s not fair to think that she may have more affinity to men than she does to women.
Not All Women Are Bisexual
So, you’ve always thought that all women are bisexual because you found your straight girlfriend watching lesbian p*rn? Think again.
She probably wouldn’t have any interest in getting down with a girl in reality. Even though straight women can get physically aroused by sex between two women, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are gay.
To presume that all women are bi because there are straight women who get turned on by p*rn featuring two women is invalidating the challenging and unique issues faced by openly bisexual women.
Bisexual Women Do Not Have a Percentage of How Straight or Gay They Are
So, she tells you she’s bisexual? Well, that doesn’t mean there’s a degree to how much she feels straight or gay. She just is. It’s that simple.
Sexuality is a spectrum. And she can place herself anywhere she wants on it. If she wants to. And she can move around on said spectrum throughout her life – or even minute by minute. All without providing a reason.
She doesn’t owe you – or anyone else – an explanation.
It May Feel Overwhelming To You
We understand; you’re probably overwhelmed by the fact that the woman you’re crazy about is bisexual. As you try to figure out your feelings, keep in mind that she’s a person.
She may be funny, generous, kind, and a little complex, but that changes nothing. You’re into her, and she’s probably into you too.
If she’s crazy about you, that’s all that matters.
It Would Be Great If You Made Effort to Affirm And Understand Her Gender
We all need our partners and the people around us to recognize fully who we are. But, bisexual people and women, to an extent, experience a much greater struggle.
It’s not only vital you know about her sexual identity; you should understand what identifying as bisexual means for them.
Bisexuality is more than having a sexual attraction to both women and men. It’s as complicated and unique as any other sexual orientation, and if you’re dating a bisexual woman, you should at least try to understand it. It would be great if you took the initiative to encourage your partner to discuss what being bisexual means to them.
Some bisexual women may be romantically attracted to only men but sexually attracted to both men and women. They may also be romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to both women and men. Once you feel comfortable talking to each other about more sensitive topics, it’s a great idea to have a candid conversation with your partner so you can understand her sexual orientation better.
However it is not appropriate to open a conversation on a gay hook-up app – or bi dating app – about defining her bi-ness. That is just going to get you a “Bye Felicia” or “Thank you, next”.
She Can Be Attracted To Non-Binary, Gender Fluid, Or Trans Individuals
Even though the woman you like says, she’s ‘bi,’ that doesn’t mean that she only has an attraction to cis people.
Some bisexual women are also attracted to all genders. You may discover that some bi people would prefer to be described as pansexual or queer. This is because they find these terms more inclusive and accurately describe who they are.
Not sure what Genderfluid vs. Genderqueer is? We can break that down for you too. Another great way to educate yourself before dating a bisexual woman (or to enlighten yourself on the queer world in general) is to watch bisexual movies or LGBT TV shows. Or to read some of the fabulous bisexual romance novels.
You are not the first to have questions, and queer cinema and literature have already covered a lot of this ground.
She Might Feel Stuck Between The LGBT And Straight Community
Your bisexual girlfriend could feel isolated from the LGBT community and the straight community because there are those who think she will sleep with anyone and those who see her as ‘not gay enough.
You can’t change the world sadly, but you can do better and try to be a supportive partner as much as you can.
She May Not Be More ‘Into’ One Gender Than The Other
Just like all of us, bisexual women were socialized to be in relationships with the opposite sex. As a result, she may have only had relationships with guys.
Even then, keep in mind that doesn’t mean anything about her being more straight or gay. It only means she has more experience being in a relationship with one gender.
You Cannot ‘Turn Her’
There’s no way you can turn her into another gender because you wish to. Accept and understand her as she is. If you’re dating a bisexual woman, keep in mind that she is just as committed as you are to be in the relationship.
Even if you catch her checking someone else out, remember that you probably also do it once in a while and cut her some slack. If she does it often and openly, then you may have a problem that needs to be discussed.
Bisexual women – like everyone else -have the capability to thrive in relationships with healthy boundaries.
Be a Great Ally
Communication is one of the most critical factors of any relationship. When you’re dating a bisexual woman, encouraging open communication is one of the best things you can do for her. This way, you’ll be able to know her better and about who they are.
Opening up the lines of communication in your relationship will help you and your partner develop a lasting bond. In addition, her experiences may be so much more different than yours. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be comfortable with who you are.
There’s no reason to be jealous of your bisexual partner.
Don’t Turn Her Bisexuality Into a Fetish
If you’re a man who is supportive of the bisexual community, that’s a great thing to do. Unfortunately, there are those who make assumptions about bi women, fetishize them, or even slut-shame them.
Stereotyping people or reducing them to a sexual act is hurtful, and obviously, you shouldn’t do it.
It would be best to understand that your bisexual partner isn’t necessarily up to experimentation as much as you are. Remember to meet her where she’s at and always be respectful.
Don’t Dwell On Her Past Dating Life
This could apply to just about any relationship or people that are dating. There’s no need to dwell too much on her dating history. It will not give you any clues as to how she feels about you. Plus, there’s nothing as unattractive as comparing yourself to her exes.
It can be a little confusing when her exes are of different sex or gender from you. However, there’s no need to complicate matters because it doesn’t matter. She chose you. Accept that, and don’t let the doubts cloud the fact that you could have a fantastic relationship.
Her Bisexuality Is Not Due to Sexual Abuse
She could be a victim of sexual abuse. But, that doesn’t mean that’s the reason for her bisexuality. Sometimes, men feel entitled to explain a woman’s sexuality by attributing it to assault. We should not have to tell you this but we are going to be very clear:
Sexuality is not determined by sexual assault. Yes, sexual violence can have psychological, emotional, and physical effects that can persist for years after – but assaults do not change or dictate one’s sexual orientation.
Of course, some women choose not to date or be in relationships with men because of past experiences. But that’s not all of them. Be ready to prove that you own no ounce of misogyny when you’re dating a bisexual woman. Trust means everything in any relationship.
Final Words On Dating A Bi Women
Bisexual women are people, just like you. What’s more, they’re also looking for an authentic, loving relationship just like everyone else. They have varying types of attraction to different people and, like everyone else, can stay in committed, long-term, healthy relationships.
Bisexual women do not have unusual sex drives, and no, they also don’t want to sleep with everyone in the room.
Bisexual women do not imagine their identities or make them up just to have space on the sexual orientation spectrum.
Bisexuality is real. And if you want to have a healthy relationship with a bisexual woman, you should never forget this.