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Beyond The Binary: Unpacking The Gay Side Meaning In Today’s Culture!

Beyond The Binary: Unpacking The Gay Side Meaning In Today’s Culture!

It is usually assumed that gays are men who are sexually attracted to men. Part of this sexual attraction includes anal penetration by either gay partner. In other words, you are either a top or a bottom. However, some gay people dislike being penetrated or penetrating their partners.

Unlike most gay people, these people get sexual satisfaction via other sexual acts like mutual masturbation, fellatio, or frottage. Who is this set of people, you might ask? Well, they are called sides.

While sides have existed for a while, their sexual preferences have just begun to be noticed by others in the gay community; people both within and outside the gay community believe anal penetration is the ultimate form of sexual satisfaction. However, suppose some heterosexual people seek sexual pleasure via other forms other than coitus or coupling. Why can’t there be male homosexuals with the same mindset?

Because we believe in respecting all sexual orientations and subsets within specific sexual orientations, we have taken it upon ourselves to explain the ‘gay side meaning’.

Beyond the Binary Unpacking The Gay Side Meaning In Today's Culture!

Who Is a Gay Side?

As we stated earlier, the majority of gays fall in the category of top or bottom. Sides are those who are neither. For several reasons, some people identify as gay and don’t enjoy anal sex. They are sexually attracted to men and enjoy making out with their partners. Still, they draw the line at anal penetration. Does the fact that sides don’t want anal penetration mean they aren’t really gay?

No, but unfortunately, in many cases, sides are discriminated against by other gays. This is sad because the LGBTQ community already endure enough hate from a lot of narrow-minded, homophobic people in the community for them to discriminate against or hate one of their own, 

Until 2022, the popular gay dating app Grindr didn’t have a side option for their clients. Even now, several other dating apps don’t believe in thinking outside the binary box of top and bottom or both top and bottom (called verse or versatile). 

This keeps sides questioning the authenticity of their sexual orientation, hiding their preferences, and being labelled by some people as not being genuinely gay. 

Sides might not enjoy anal sex, but they find other ways of achieving sexual satisfaction with their partners. Believe it or not, understanding the gay side meaning reveals that these individuals can also have fulfilling relationships. Now that we know who the gay sides are, let’s consider what you should do if you are dating one or what steps you can take if you identify as a gay side.

What to Do If You Are a Gay Side

The first thing you are meant to know if you are on the gay side is that you aren’t alone. Also, you aren’t weird not to enjoy anal sex either as a top or bottom. However, let us talk about some of the things you can do.

Be Open About Your Preferences from The Onset

Let’s be honest. A lot of misunderstandings about sexual preferences arise from assumptions. From the start, everybody assumes that once you are gay, you must be a top or a bottom. But like with many things in life, nothing is black or white but several shades of grey.

To avoid these assumptions and misunderstandings, you have the better option of starting with your partner the start. Having the talk about your sexual preferences and the fact that you prefer outer course (other forms of sexual satisfaction other than penile penetration) should be something you should have in the beginning.

It doesn’t matter if both of you seek a fling or a deep relationship. Putting your cards on the table will save you a lot of heartache and sexual frustration.

Protect Your Mental Health

Acceptance for the LGBTQ community is on the rise. However, we can’t deny that, as homosexuals and bisexuals, we haven’t encountered one form of homophobia or the other. It is more painful when discrimination comes from the people who are meant to be on your team.

We would be lying if we said sides don’t experience pushback from other gays who don’t understand this mindset. It is, therefore, essential to protect your mental health no matter the cost.

You can do this by cutting off negative people like other gays who say or act like you aren’t really gay because you don’t like penile penetration. You can also see a therapist who understands you and can help maintain a healthy mental lifestyle. Accept that being a side is a choice, just like being gay. That you aren’t part of the majority doesn’t mean you are wrong.

Seek Likeminded People

One to avoid the stigmatization that comes with being gay side is to look for people with the same mindset. Before, it was difficult for sides to find one another, with dating apps not acknowledging them. 

However, Dr. Joe Kort, the sex therapist who coined the term ‘gay side meaning’ in 2013, has facilitated easier connections among sides. Dr. Kort has a private Facebook group called Side Guys, where sides can meet, interact, and offer support to one another. There are other similar groups where you can find individuals experiencing the same journey.

We must state that in the last couple of years, awareness about gay sides has increased. However, a lot of stuff can still be addressed to improve how sides are treated within the gay community. You will be flabbergasted by the number of side gay groups on Facebook alone( a cursory search brings up two private groups with 6,800 and 1,200 members, respectively) – and how many you will come across on gay hook-up apps like Grindr, where you can now select side as a preference much like a tribe.

Beyond the Binary Unpacking The Gay Side Meaning In Today's Culture!

What to Do If You Are Dating a Gay Side

Now that we have talked with gay sides, it’s time to talk to you guys dating them. We know men have needs that must be satisfied sexually. Since your sexual tastes don’t entirely mesh, conflict is possible. However, if you are dating a gay side and you are not enjoying what you want as a gay person, there are some things you can do.

Have A Frank Conversation with Your Partner

When you are with a gay side, both of you need to have a conversation. Sexual satisfaction is quite important, and sexual frustration will lead to conflict. Instead of bearing grudges and seeking pleasure elsewhere, why don’t you talk it out?

Even if it will lead to a dissolution of the union, letting your side partner know how you feel about not gaining satisfaction due to lack of penile penetration is essential. Some of the things to mention in this conversation are whether both of you can use other means of sexual satisfaction other than anal sex and what to do if neither of you can come to an agreement.

Finding an amicable solution is vital for both of you. The goal isn’t to determine who is better but to reach a solution. After all, you care about each other. 

Be Empathetic

Empathy is essential; remember how bad you felt when that aunt told you you were going to hell because she found out you were gay? Well, your gay side partner will feel the same way when you say they aren’t gay, or they are asexual, or weird.

For some people who have faced a lifetime of discrimination, stigmatization, and abuse for being different, it is painful to know that most gays can be cruel regarding how they treat their sides. Someone says you can’t be gay if you don’t love anal sex. Comments like that are really hurtful to use on someone you care about. 

While harsh words can come from a place of frustration, it is better to apply empathy when dealing with a side partner. Remember, sexuality is often business, and most of us need the guidance of some other person who has experienced what we are currently going through. If that person were a jackass, we would probably never be comfortable with our sexuality as we are now.

Be Open to Other Forms of Sexual Satisfaction

It might seem unbelievable or unimaginable, but deriving sexual satisfaction without penile penetration is entirely possible; you just have to be open-minded to other forms of sexual pleasure, such as fellatio, mutual masturbation, or frottage (gaining sexual satisfaction by rubbing through clothes). This understanding is particularly relevant in the context of ‘gay side meaning’, where individuals seek fulfillment beyond traditional expectations.

You and your partner can try different methods of outercourse (so-called because they are methods of sexual gratification that don’t involve sex). You will be amazed or shocked by how much you enjoy this sexual satisfaction with your partner. Understand that you don’t need to subject yourself to sexual intimacy if you aren’t interested. You need to be open minded and you will find other ways of pleasurable intimacy.

Conclusions On Gay Side Meaning

There has been some awareness about gay sides, but a lot still has to be done by members of the gay community. Sides need to seek the company of other sides to help with their mental health. Members of the gay community also have to treat sides with more respect. No matter what side of the divide you are, enjoy your sexuality at all times.

Beyond the Binary Unpacking The Gay Side Meaning In Today's Culture!